It’s that time of year again: you crave downtime and rest, and at the very same time, gathering events are in full swing. Often, the holiday season is portrayed as joyful, a sense of togetherness, and good times. However, for many people, it can also be a source of stress, loneliness, and anxiety. Finding a balance in the expectations of festive gatherings, gift-giving, and social interactions can take a toll on mental health, and even more so if this time of year holds difficult memories and experiences for you. If this resonates, you are most definitely not alone, and all is not lost. Let’s take a moment to explore some strategies on how you can maintain and protect your capacity during the holiday season, while acknowledging the unique challenges that this time of year can bring.

Honour your feels

First thing’s first: feelings will come up. Maybe you’re sitting with grief and the loss of a loved one, or perhaps this holiday season looks different this year. Maybe you’re really excited about all that’s happening, and it’s also a lot of good times at once. Wherever you are at, the first step in supporting mental health during the holidays is to recognize and validate the variety of emotions that can and will arise. Instead of being critical (like that uncle we all know too well at the holiday dinner), or stuffing them down (like that delicious side dish that is sometimes in or out of your turkey), try naming it out loud. This might sound weird or counterintuitive, but when we label our feelings, we take one step towards helping the feeling move through us, instead of staying stuck. Can’t do that in your aunt’s kitchen? Take some space in the bathroom where you can connect with and name your feelings. While some people genuinely enjoy the festivities, others may feel overwhelmed, sad, or anxious. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are valid and that everyone's experience of the holiday season is unique.

Encourage Candid Communication

In the spirit of the season, offer a gift to those around you (which will help you in the long run!). Do your part in fostering a space of open communication by encouraging friends and family members to share their thoughts and feelings. Sound risky? While asking people what they want might bring up worries about having to now meet their every need, knowing what someone else is expecting helps us be in a better position to negotiate needs together. Engaging in honest conversations about expectations and concerns can help alleviate the stress of trying to assume what others want and need, and foster a sense of understanding by taking the guesswork out of making final decisions. For example, financial stressors can be heightened during this time of year. To navigate this, encourage responsible budgeting and realistic gift-giving expectations for what you’re able to afford. Emphasize that meaningful connections and shared experiences often hold more value than material gifts. It's essential to listen actively, without judgment, and ask the same of others to offer this to you.

Hope VS Reality

The pressure to create a picture-perfect holiday season often leads to unrealistic expectations, disappointment, and, well, an open door to a bad time. Managing your expectations is crucial to protect your capacity, so you have enough energy at the end of the day to enjoy yourself. Remind yourself that it's okay if everything doesn't go as planned because often, it doesn’t. Embrace and lean into imperfections while focusing on the essence of the season. This might be a moment where you reconnect with your values around this time of year. Maybe time off, rest, and recuperation are the peace you would most like to protect. Or perhaps connection, socializing, and catching up with those you care about feel right. However, sometimes these parts of ourselves can be in conflict (“I want to rest, but I’ve been invited to so many events!”), and these are the moments in which our next topic comes in handy.

Use the B Word

It’s the buzzword of the session: boundaries. Did you know that healthy boundaries actually help support connection, not encourage it? Setting expectations for others and ourselves (as discussed above) is meant to keep our capacity intact so we have enough energy to spend on the moments and people we value most. So what does this look like, you ask? It's okay to decline invitations or limit the time spent at social events if it feels overwhelming. Not able to spend time with everyone that brings you joy? Maintain connection by having a video call, or sending them a holiday card in the mail (which can be surprisingly heartwarming to receive) to show them your care and good tidings from afar. Communicate your needs assertively and prioritize your mental health without guilt. This might sound tricky for some, as guilt can hold a familiar presence during holiday moments. A tip for that: if guilt rears its head, be curious about another feeling it might be distracting you from. For example, ask yourself if you are sad or angry. Am I sad that I can’t also see this person or spend more time with them? Am I sad that I wasn’t able to do this important thing that meant a lot to me and others? Am I angry that my clear boundaries aren’t being respected? Knowing the true feeling or feelings under the experience of guilt can help you know what you need next.

To thine own self be true

Amid the hustle and bustle of holiday preparations, it's very easy to neglect self-care. However, taking care of your mental health is paramount, especially during a time where the rainbow of emotions may run high. But, don’t reinvent the wheel here. Simplicity is key here and can go a long way. Our best tip here is to schedule it in, whatever it is. Open that calendar and book some time just for you that sparks a moment of joy and relaxation, whether it's reading a book you’ve been meaning to start, “baking” a single serving ramekin cake in the microwave (yes, you can do that), or taking a bath. While it might feel like a luxury to set aside time when the schedule is already packed, doing something for you will help curve any resentment for the bulk of time being spent with others. Whatever you do (or don’t do!), practice a moment of gratitude and thank yourself for finding it important to prioritize you in all the glittery ribbons, communal eggnog punch bowls, and Mariah Carey-themed long-distance drives to see your kin.